onlygirl67

So a buddy and I were writing back and forth about how the 1st 2 to 3 of weeks of joining the site and dieting were almost a breeze.  Lately it feels like the euphoria is fading and she and I are scared we might slip back into our old ways.  That is the LAST thing either of us wants. We have both had success in losing weight, even in the short time we’ve been here.  Anyone else experience the same thing?  If so, did it go away? Any thoughts or advice appreciated.

So, I lost my “first” 5 pounds for the 10th time. But this time i did something different. After I got off my scale a negative little voice in my head said “big deal. 5 pounds is nothing”  But I stopped and questioned that voice. Is it really nothing?  I took out my digital food scale (that i bought at Aldi’s and love!)  I took some potatoes and laid them in the scale until it read 5 lbs.  I then took the potatoes put them in a plastic grocery bag, slung it over my shoulder and walked around the house for a few minutes (no one was home- don’t worry).  Let me tell you, 5 lbs. is not nothing.  It was profound to realize that only 2 weeks previous I was constantly carrying that excess weight.  This bag of potatoes that would be a burden to carry for even 15 more minutes was what was on me 24/7.  Then I thought of how exciting it will be to strap on 10 lbs. of potatoes….stay tuned!

okay, a little concerned tonight. I’ve been doing really well for my first 2 weeks, but tonight I went to the cupboard to get some saltines for the soup I made and saw a package of cookies.  My immediate thought was to rip them open and shove 2 or 3 into my mouth.  Honestly, the thought startled me.  That was the old me…the “me” I do not want to hear from again.  I didn’t eat the cookies, but the thought did linger.  I am scared I will start having those thoughts and desires again.  I hope tonight’s “scary thought” was just because hubby and I waited too long to eat dinner.(please tell me it was!!)  That was the only change today.  Any thoughts or advice are welcome.

i feel so hopeful.  went to a picnic with tons of food but also a plan. “eat what you want but the minute you leave get back on track.”  that is exactly what i did. i really didn’t eat that much while there. one plate of food, small portions, a cookie and a cupcake that i couldn’t finish.  this is revolutionary for me.  previously if  i went ‘off the wagon’ on a saturday, you could bet sunday would be even worse.  then monday would be so hard to get back on track.  tuesday thru thursday would be okay but by friday i’d figure; “i’m gonna blow it tomorrow anyway, may as well start now.”   this has gone on for years.  this site has helped me so much.  i am keeping focused, reading others experiences and getting motivated by them, and learning really practical things to help me.  for the first time in my life i feel in control regarding food and it is more enjoyable than any bite of cheesecake could ever be.

okay, i am nervous today. my brother and his wife are having their annual bonfire, backyard picnic. our whole congregation usually comes and man can they COOK.   I found it interesting that last night i almost blew my diet because “well, tomorrow i’ll be at the picnic eating what i shouldn’t anyway- i can start again sunday.”  then i realized that is my classic OLD way of thinking and operating.   i also thought of my scale that very morn. and how it showed i had lost 3 lbs.  why would i want to sabotage that?  i came up with a plan (this is new for me) : i will enjoy what i want today ONLY at the picnic.  Not before, not after.  I am also in charge of games so while i am there i will try and occupy myself with PEOPLE and not food….(novel thought).  i think this just might work.  it is time to try new ways of behaving!!!!

now to the “cable” topic. at dinner last night i finally told hubby i joined this site.  he told me of a story that day.  he works for the cable company and that day he was doing an install.  he walked into the bedroom and said there was a very large woman in the bed. she barely moved but they spoke a little. his thought was one of guilt, here he is installing cable so she can stay in that bed even more.  While we don’t know her condition, physically, etc.  the story just made me so sad.  I thought of this site and all the help available and just wanted to find this woman to give her hope.  i can only hope there is someone in her life that will give her the help she needs.  stuck up in bed at 2:oo in the afternoon watching tv is no way to live.

this will be the first diet of mine where ’slow and steady’ is the theme.  my mom always had the mentality of quick weight loss.  she once led me through losing 10 lbs. for my brothers wedding. man, i looked great….but, we all know the drill : less than a month after the wedding it was all back.  perhaps it worked for my mom, but she didn’t love and dream about food the way i do.  i have done alot of reading and research and i do believe the slower i lose the pounds the more i am changing my lifestyle and they will stay off!      by the way, i drank 90 oz. of water yesterday…pee’d and pee’d but felt great.

last night as my husband and i sat down to eat dinner i proudly announced to him, “all my food is already premeasured and on my plate, so the rest is yours.”  we sat enjoying the food…pretty soon my plate was empty and i started staring at the rice pilaf still in the pan..it was so good.  i wanted more so i got up to recalculate where i was with calories and if i cut back on my late nite snack i could have another scoop of rice. i must have stood there feverishly working my pencil for longer than i thought because when i got back to the table ALL the rice was gone sitting on my husbands plate! i let out a laugh, my hubby looked at me with a ? on his face and i drank a glass of water instead.

if i make it through tomorrow staying within my caloric intake that will be the first time i have gone for 7 straight days in a LONG time.  i am actually pretty excited.  i even feel full right now…at my ‘normally weakest’ time…  i have no desire to eat. of course, i am not dillusional - i know chances are tomorrow night i’ll be on here begging someone to get my mind off of food! (tee hee)   now i need to stay focused and not kick back.  gonna do it this time!!!!

here I am lingering…reading other posts, distracting myself…from the fact that I want to EAT.  If I go to bed now without another tasty morsel passing my lips I will have done great today.  I am looking at what others have to say -analyzing their struggles; and feeling a kindred spirit with most. The hope is that this will lead me straight to bed~not the kitchen. I think it will work.  The thing is; I usually go to bed at 11:00 and it is only 10:30.  I could go to bed early…read a book.  Why not?  husband will think it odd…then again he’s watching baseball and might not even miss me at all. (ha!)   Feeling better, at this point all I want is a small glass of water and I think I’m good.  Good night.

thank God it’s Monday. weekends are SO difficult for me to watch what I eat.  That is when fam and friends get together, my husband wants to go out, etc.  it is the easiest time for me to say,” what the heck! i don’t want to be a party pooper”. Then I lose all control and just eat whatever. I can see i need to come up with good strategies to deal with these occasions….(hhmmm…like telling myself NO!..don’t get the hamburg on the menu, get that salad with vinagrette dressing!)  Realistically, that won’t happen right now so i just need to stay away.  I did have an experience that showed how impt. it is for me to plan meals ahead: Sunday, I had a headache and my husband lovingly said,”don’t worry about dinner, let’s just order a pizza.”  Alarms went off in my head…”Warning!”  then a little voice inside me said, “mmmm…pizzza…sounds good.”  Fortunately I had already bought fixins for a simple lo cal, yummy meal and could say to my husband, “no need to order out tonight, i got it covered.”   That made me feel so good.  Now i start the week in a good frame of mind.  It has been awhile since I’ve stayed within my calorie intake for more than 6 days in a row; so when I make it thru Wed. this week i will be one happy chick! And i WILL do it!